Chapter Breakdown: Chapter Twenty-Three #50shades

Before reading this post, I suggest you read my disclaimer of sorts first.

OMG …..

OMFG!

WHAT THE HELL??

And the award for the most irritating character goes to *opens the envelope* It’s a tie! Congratulations Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey! Wait…stop that! You’re in public! Christian, put that tie down. No, you may not pack Ana in a crate and feed her a light chianti with her fava beans. Because she didn’t sign your dumb contract, that’s why!

Cue the theme song!

And here we go! Ana’s into her 4th or something girly drink but not tipsy like the margaritas. Yeah…. In the bar with mum that she hasn’t seen in a long time but  she’s on her pokeberry tee-heeing with doofus. ERMAGERD! He’s at the bar she’s at with her mum and ERMAGERD! There he is. She’s, like, soooo in trouble!

Now, like the person that I mentioned before that skipped over the sex scenes, I’ve found my favorite skip over is the annoying emails–the pages and pages of endless drivel most writers refer to as “info dump”. Well, those are my skip over parts. I only have so much beer in the house and don’t get paid until the end of next week. I did however, read the little snippet where Christian writes she doesn’t have a submissive bone in her body. If that was the case, why didn’t she confront him before he got to the table? Ana doesn’t stand up for herself. She whines and rationalizes all his behavior from the first four years of his life to the 6 year tryst with an older woman he still has a relationship with. Perhaps he doesn’t want to get close because–through the long years he was with his adoptive parents–he never learned love. Riiiight. He’s a manipulative, driven ass monkey who doesn’t want a meaningful relationship but Miss My-Mum-is-an-Uber-Slut-and-on-Her-Fourth-Husband has unrealistic expectations of a person changing for her if she dick teases him enough. If he’s not careful, their Christmas tree will be nothing but foil packages for decorations.

Editing FlailI mean ….fuuuuuck….. stalker much? Why do I have the feeling he was going to be in that seat beside her on the plane or better yet, he bought it so no one sat by her. So what prompted him to show up in Georgia? Oh she missed him and blah blah blah. *gag*

Also the classic cliché of the old ‘girlfriend’ being in the male’s life keeps rearing its ugly head. This is so overdone. Plus the pedophilia angle is sketchy. He was one year shy of the age of consent for one and for two … like a fifteen year old didn’t know what he was getting into. If you’re going to get grossed out, do it because Mrs. R was married and fucking around with a teenager.

Oh yes and Ana’s mum telling her to go with her gut. Yeah, great talk there primo role model. For your information, your nympho daughter only thinks with one part. There, I said it.

This chapter has the ‘glory’ of the tampon scene. I also noticed something. When these two have wild monkey sex, it’s the same. Whoa … the quickening and I’m totally flying/soaring/etc. Yawn. The hotness I witnessed when she was trussed in the room has faded away to a brief memory leaving me with …. missionary standing up. Boring. Plus, doing the deed while someone’s on their period isn’t 100% fool proof birth control but hey, neither is the pill. I have a child to prove it.

Seriously. Anyone else shocked that Ana uses tampons considering she doesn’t like touching herself?

Anyways enter emo Christian and the Cotton Ponys lamenting that she doesn’t want him in Georgia though she’s totally like “I want you here” and he’s all like “Omg, you’re just saying that” and she’s like “totally no, gawd.”

And then sex like so:

Quickening

Moaning

Tightening

Soaring

Some metaphor to describe coming

Meh.

That’s it. Some pillow talk but nothing that really wows me or drives the plot IMO. I find it baffling that he stays in contact with the married woman he had an affair with when he’s interested in having something with Ana. Typical male ego believe that’s okay and not a deal breaker, especially when he’s insanely jealous when Ana does the same. This part is real and maybe that’s another reason I’m not through this book for me. Yes, I believe books should be an escape but when that escape parallels reality too often? Sucks you right out and it’s painful to read.

Like this book if you want but I don’t see the smidge of good I’ve found outweighing the bad. There is way too much emotional head fucking for my liking to stamp ‘romance’ on the front.

 

Chapter Breakdown: Chapter Twenty-Two #50shades

Before reading this post, I suggest you read my disclaimer of sorts first.

Please … save …. me ……

Okay, deep breaths.

First, I’m all for making your world when a writer creates their manuscript. However, there are limits. For example, if you’re using a place that actually exists you can’t make shit up! There is no such thing as a first class lounge at Seattle’s Airport.

I repeat: There is NONE. There are clubs that you can pay to go into–some airports have them. For example, I partook in one before my flight back from Jamaica. They cost up to $50 dollars to get in so not overly expensive but considering the time to get your luggage sorted and going through TSA, the time could be brief. Just like what is openly listed on Seattle’s website for their airport, this one had a lounge where you could get drinks (most free) and something to eat and a relaxing environment with free wifi. That’s it. No mani-pedi or massages. Yeah, I flew into Seattle too for a cruise sooo…..

Maybe I’m a stickler for details and research because I write historical. Or maybe it’s because I make a point that if I use something that isn’t generic in nature, I get it down. It goes back to the Pike Market district apartment that are expensive.

Again the emails encompass this painful chapter. Her teasing him about having a man massage her in this very fictitious first class lounge. Oh how the emails fly about twitching palms and tee-hee, kidding, he was a gay guy. Even her sneaking out her lame Blackberry to continue her emailing after the laptop is stowed. Which, by the way, is stowed because it’s a large object and necessary on taking off. Whatevs.

Bathroom

Something I came across in the underground city in Seattle. I’ve altered the photo I took. It fits my feelings right now.

Also … how’d she pack a week’s worth of clothes plus a laptop in a rucksack? For those that are more American, a rucksack is like a backpack.

Of course with dear old mum she has to say Christian has had a grim upbringing. Oh yes. Up to the age of FOUR is was horrid but, again, he wasn’t tossed around in foster care. He was adopted almost immediately. Mel-o-dramatic much?

And her mother and the fourth marriage. Oh yes she knows about men–and the wrong things since she can’t find one that works. The only experience she can draw from is bad choices. Ana’s twenty-one and her mother is on her FOURTH marriage. Do the math on that one.

*cries*

I’m sorry but this is too much info dump with the emails. For fuck’s sake I didn’t sign up to read all this drivel. I have to read countless emails at work and for something most call an ‘escape’ this is giving me nightmares.

WHY THE FUCK DID NO ONE WARN ME ABOUT THIS?!?! at one part there is FIVE PAGES of emails. There’s still not enough liquor in my cabinet for this shit.

PS: The age of consent in Washington State is sixteen. Think on that when reflecting on Christian starting out his ‘hobby’ at fifteen.

Chapter Breakdown: Chapter Twenty-One #50shades

Before reading this post, I suggest you read my disclaimer of sorts first.

I have nothing to report, really, for this chapter. While I still chortle every time I see ‘cock’ refer to the position of the head on one’s shoulders, this chapter contained hardly any meat. I’ll break down what I have.

Mrs. Jones

This is Mr. Control Freak’s maid, dressed smartly of course. She’s professional about her job and of course plants that seed of “former sub” in Ana’s head. IIRC, Christian offered to get her in contact with women who had performed the role of a sub before and she declined. But go on with your bad self. Assumptions are the spice of life in the romance novel. Mrs. Jones, of course, is not a former.

DSC_2373Sex

On his desk. Not something Ana can yell “first!” about either. She enjoys it and then Mr. Hot and Cold chills the experience. She reflects, thank goodness it’s not a huge dialogue between her multiple personalities. The poor Christian aspect comes through and I’m still not buying it.

Emails

Please make it stop. PLEASE. Seriously, at this point I’m thinking this is a word count buster and nothing more. Another reason a tree cried as its flesh was ground to pulp to make paper. Electrons are bemoaning their being inconvenienced with every download.

In the End

Ana’s off to her mum’s house on an upgrade via Christian. Shocker! Why to do I get the feeling this visit isn’t going to end well?

T minus 7 days until I’m finished with this project … for now.