This was the last one, I think, for the course.
Each step in life is a goal or should be. While financial means have always been the brick wall blocking my potential for greater things, I had to make a decision to not only incur debt but to find the will to succeed past my current state. That, in itself, is scary. The weight of wondering if you’ll be able to pay not just the household expenses, but huge student loans causes insurmountable tension. I’ve dealt with it before under a two income umbrella. Now I’m one person below what has been suggested as the income level to live in Pennsylvania. I get by yet if one thing goes wrong—unexpected house or car repair for example—my financial state can plummet dramatically.
How do I solve this? Sacrifices come to mind. My writing, while an income in itself, isn’t enough to contribute to anything but a new pair of Birkenstock sandals once every two years. I’ve also chosen a difficult field that requires studying and understanding each chapter or lesson in a limited time. Since my current situation has made online courses my best option, I could potentially miss out in classroom discussions. I’m certainly not a fan of homework and enjoy learning by doing in a controlled environment. Unfortunately, I’m not a young person in the comfort of my parent’s house without major bills and such to worry about. My full-time job can be, at times, mentally and physically exhausting yet I must find the energy to crack the books and test my limits. Perhaps if I treated like a job more than anything, my brain will understand its importance more.
So how can I possibly succeed? I must remind myself of how I got out of a mentally abusive relationship. In a moment of weakness where I almost traded my freedom for chains again, I found the strength to say no and severe the cord strangling my soul. That debt, while a scary subject, is a necessary evil to gain the coveted college degree which employers of skilled and specialized fields demand. I have resources like a potential scholarship and employee assistance at work to lessen the burden No longer am I under the impression that I’m not good enough or worth bettering myself. That cancer has been burned away. My fear will rise and doubt will fester. The trick is to beat it back. My friends, family, and co-workers encourage me without hollow praise. When you come from nothing, your create anything you dream so long as you take the first step and never look back.