Chapter Breakdown: Chapter Twenty-Five #50shades

Before reading this post, I suggest you read my disclaimer of sorts first.

First, let’s start with a musical interlude to describe both of the main characters in this book:

It’s time to go home and in magical fantasy land, there is no TSA to go through and loved ones can be right there to wave you goodbye just as your flight boards. For fuck’s sake. I’ve been through Heathrow and it’s not a hop, skip, and jump to get on your plane. In fact, I had to be more diligent in making sure my electronics were all out in the open. Even something as simple as an mp3 player. Has the author never been through an airport? I seriously want to know! So given we have the time table of 2011, this is not plausible to walk into any airport–especially one in the USA–and waltz toward your gate. Cripes on my way back from Jamaica, I had more of a hassle on my connecting flight in North Carolina than I did leaving Jamaica.

Do Your Research

Ana laments that she doesn’t have love from Christian. Oh she desperately wants it. A little odd that she lists the sex, his wealth, and his marvelous good looks (in that order) meaningless without love. Very superficial ideals those first three things. Aren’t those meaningless to begin with? Why even dwell on them? Would she care to love him if he was a toothless bald guy living in a trailer? Yes, maybe that interview wouldn’t happen or maybe the context of the story would be a different angle. Billionaires are the niche market. Just type the word ‘billionaire’ into Amazon and see how many books pop up.

Still, Christian is the poster child for emo. For her to worry about what mood he’s going to be in reminds me of people in abusive relationships. Always afraid that the powder keg is about to explode. So, once again, this book does nothing on the escapism front for me. Love does not fear and love does not covet.

Typical conversation between Christian and Ana:

Ana: Can I touch you?

Christian: Yeah if you could not touch me that would be great.

Ana: But… I wanna!

Christian: Sex?

Ana: Yes, please!

Wait… should I have put that in email form?

Alaskan Cruise July 2014 096Desperate and wanting, Ana fleets to the Red Room of Meh, contracts be damned. Not that ever gets discussed any further which is more of what I’ve been told BDSM relationships are. No contracts. The situation (no not that boy from New Jersey) bringing Christian back to Seattle hasn’t been named despite her askance and I think his promise of the old in and out will keep her trap shut on it. Not due to a ball gag or penis, but to due the fact of his five easy steps: Quickening, cunnilingus, thrusting, soaring, and *grunt* I’m done. He could pay this basic melody on her to the end of time and she’ll fall for it. Say you want love all you want over being a mistress but as long as he dangles a good fuck, you’re game Ana.

In the room, she’s blindfolded and he has a bit of fun with the flogger. Not sexy. Why? the words used to describe the scene. Using ‘hit’ reminds me of abuse, not pleasure. How about the suede tantalizing her skin, the bite of soft leather sizzling her nerve endings with such heightened ecstasy that her quim quivers in delight. Yeah, I’m asking too much and I forgot the millions of ellipses interspersed throughout.

Hey… don’t you find the use of the word ‘torture’ soooo hot?

494 out of 514 pages. That’s where I am. Minimal growth if any from the characters. The relationship is based on sex and Ana’s like a heroin addict when it comes to that drug. I’m still firm on this being the last one I read. Like, ever.

I hate you, A to Z Challenge for tempting me to try it on the side.