Ahhh… let’s dream about strawberry eating and hope people know that in the REM world, it means a happy life. Really, to Ana everything is sex, sex, sex. On the drive to who knows where she gets the opportunity, thanks to a Britney Spears song, to grill him about his past lovers. To me, it seems he was the one to call it off and now Ana’s probably got red lasers aimed at her from fifteen other women. Rawr, cat fight!
Head cases issues to be sure as her multiple personality twins have come along for the ride. I still find it a little hilarious that she’s all horrified that Mrs. Robinson ‘defiled’ Christian at the tender age of fifteen but not the fact that they committed adultery. Crazy much?
Fun fact: Ana says “Oh my” 197 times. George Takei should go after her for gimmick infringement.
After what she describes as a wonderful morning in which she gets pancakes and compromise, Ana goes right back to calling Christian a stalker. Look, honey, you haven’t minded it for the last 442 pages or so. Let’s lay off the term. He could stare at you through a window at night with blood on his face and a machete to match and you’d still orgasm about it.
The good thing about this chapter is I could skim about 5 pages because, yeah,
info dump emails. Oh, wait … add to that count. There’s this thing called a phone and you use it and stuff. Oh wait .. that requires showing over telling. The cliché of ex-girlfriend is as strong as ever, especially when McCreepy leaves unexpectedly. Oh how the boring plot simmers!
If the rest of the chapters have the plethora of sterile emails, I’ll fly through the rest. I will not be buying the next book. I got this one for $2.99 and I’d rather spend that on a book half the size with better plot and different sex scenes. Or characters I actually give a shit about. I mean I didn’t realize when they referred to vanilla sex it meant the same lather, rinse, and repeat scenario. See what I did there? Oxford comma, bitches!
The tally so far in the book:
Breaking the law: 3 (rape, tapping a phone, and adultery. 4 if you want to count the underage past boinking. 5 if we toss in stalking)
Showing meaningful characters: 0 (self explanatory)
Emails: Billion Six (hyperbole yet spot on)