Chapter Breakdown: Chapter Twenty-Three #50shades

Before reading this post, I suggest you read my disclaimer of sorts first.

OMG …..

OMFG!

WHAT THE HELL??

And the award for the most irritating character goes to *opens the envelope* It’s a tie! Congratulations Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey! Wait…stop that! You’re in public! Christian, put that tie down. No, you may not pack Ana in a crate and feed her a light chianti with her fava beans. Because she didn’t sign your dumb contract, that’s why!

Cue the theme song!

And here we go! Ana’s into her 4th or something girly drink but not tipsy like the margaritas. Yeah…. In the bar with mum that she hasn’t seen in a long time but  she’s on her pokeberry tee-heeing with doofus. ERMAGERD! He’s at the bar she’s at with her mum and ERMAGERD! There he is. She’s, like, soooo in trouble!

Now, like the person that I mentioned before that skipped over the sex scenes, I’ve found my favorite skip over is the annoying emails–the pages and pages of endless drivel most writers refer to as “info dump”. Well, those are my skip over parts. I only have so much beer in the house and don’t get paid until the end of next week. I did however, read the little snippet where Christian writes she doesn’t have a submissive bone in her body. If that was the case, why didn’t she confront him before he got to the table? Ana doesn’t stand up for herself. She whines and rationalizes all his behavior from the first four years of his life to the 6 year tryst with an older woman he still has a relationship with. Perhaps he doesn’t want to get close because–through the long years he was with his adoptive parents–he never learned love. Riiiight. He’s a manipulative, driven ass monkey who doesn’t want a meaningful relationship but Miss My-Mum-is-an-Uber-Slut-and-on-Her-Fourth-Husband has unrealistic expectations of a person changing for her if she dick teases him enough. If he’s not careful, their Christmas tree will be nothing but foil packages for decorations.

Editing FlailI mean ….fuuuuuck….. stalker much? Why do I have the feeling he was going to be in that seat beside her on the plane or better yet, he bought it so no one sat by her. So what prompted him to show up in Georgia? Oh she missed him and blah blah blah. *gag*

Also the classic cliché of the old ‘girlfriend’ being in the male’s life keeps rearing its ugly head. This is so overdone. Plus the pedophilia angle is sketchy. He was one year shy of the age of consent for one and for two … like a fifteen year old didn’t know what he was getting into. If you’re going to get grossed out, do it because Mrs. R was married and fucking around with a teenager.

Oh yes and Ana’s mum telling her to go with her gut. Yeah, great talk there primo role model. For your information, your nympho daughter only thinks with one part. There, I said it.

This chapter has the ‘glory’ of the tampon scene. I also noticed something. When these two have wild monkey sex, it’s the same. Whoa … the quickening and I’m totally flying/soaring/etc. Yawn. The hotness I witnessed when she was trussed in the room has faded away to a brief memory leaving me with …. missionary standing up. Boring. Plus, doing the deed while someone’s on their period isn’t 100% fool proof birth control but hey, neither is the pill. I have a child to prove it.

Seriously. Anyone else shocked that Ana uses tampons considering she doesn’t like touching herself?

Anyways enter emo Christian and the Cotton Ponys lamenting that she doesn’t want him in Georgia though she’s totally like “I want you here” and he’s all like “Omg, you’re just saying that” and she’s like “totally no, gawd.”

And then sex like so:

Quickening

Moaning

Tightening

Soaring

Some metaphor to describe coming

Meh.

That’s it. Some pillow talk but nothing that really wows me or drives the plot IMO. I find it baffling that he stays in contact with the married woman he had an affair with when he’s interested in having something with Ana. Typical male ego believe that’s okay and not a deal breaker, especially when he’s insanely jealous when Ana does the same. This part is real and maybe that’s another reason I’m not through this book for me. Yes, I believe books should be an escape but when that escape parallels reality too often? Sucks you right out and it’s painful to read.

Like this book if you want but I don’t see the smidge of good I’ve found outweighing the bad. There is way too much emotional head fucking for my liking to stamp ‘romance’ on the front.

 

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