Can you believe it? I’ve made it to chapter #10.
So far I’ve learned that having sex for the first time is like uncorking a genie bottle. Why? Because your inner goddess is unleashed upon you. She dances, she sings, and is versed in the lotus position. Then there’s that pesky subconscious leaking out the word “ho”. Hmmm …wait a minute.
sub·con·sciousadjective: subconscious; adjective: sub-consciousof or concerning the part of the mind of which one is not fully aware but which influences one’s actions and feelings.ornoun: subconscious; noun: sub-conscious
the subconscious part of the mind (not in technical use in psychoanalysis, where unconscious is preferred).
I think perhaps the correct term that should been used is perhaps conscience noun “an inner feeling or voice viewed as acting as a guide to the rightness or wrongness of one’s behavior” or conscious adjective “aware of and responding to one’s surroundings; awake or having knowledge of something; aware or painfully aware of; sensitive to”. Really, the situation called for conscience.
We’ve also learned that when Ana’s hands are tied in front of her and nothing else though above her head, it renders her powerless like turtle on her back though not because she’s following Christian McCreepy’s commands. The mom, of course, strolls in. The introductions are made the only way that can be–with a whole shit load of murmuring.
This is a dramatization of their conversation:
The contract is discussed and of course he tells her to research what he’s asking. Oh that’s a rich line right there. No, no. Not there.
Then the world of her naivety opens wide. She doesn’t have a computer. Her whole college career was made by school computers and ADD Kate’s laptop. Seriously? Where’s my dice, I need to roll to disbelieve. I have a +20 on that. I’ve got ranks in bullshit out the ying yang.
And now for the not so subtle for me signs of abuse:
- Jose calls and while she doesn’t have a long conversation, the fact that she’s talking to him ignites the inner asshole in Greybeard. The dangerous powder keg is just looking for a match.
- Ana at this point has no idea why he’s done yet another 180 with his emotions but she’s trying to diffuse it and make sense of it. What’s innocent to her isn’t so innocent to him because trust never comes into play for him. Only she’s to trust him completely, not the other way around.
- He takes her to eat at a restaurant where she cannot choose what she’s getting because that’s the way the restaurant rolls. Pig assholes with a moose snot gastrique anyone? He also orders her something to drink without regard of asking for her opinion. Her askance for a diet coke is equally dismissed.
He admits one of his former relationships started at the age of fifteen where he was the sub. He alleges if he would have strayed, his dom would have “beaten the shit out of me”. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that isn’t the dynamic of a BDSM relationship but more to that on a later day. With that revelation, I want to go back to the point where he tells Ana to do research before signing the contract. It begs to question why he hasn’t done the same. If he didn’t enjoy the relationship he had, why follow suit? You know, besides being a major dickhole.