Chapter Breakdown: Chapter Five #50shades

Before reading this post, I suggest you read my disclaimer of sorts first.

Cherry PoppingIn one of the previous chapters, Christian sends Ana some books. She never questions how he has her address because she’s dumb naïve. Those books are first edition old English literature. So, in the context of that, perhaps the line that had me going dafuq has merit. However, from my research (there’s that word again), the phrase is used wrong.

The phrase? Pressing his suit.

In the scene, Christian uses the Shakespearian line to describe Jose’s unwanted tongue tango with Ana. The problem? It’s an English phrase meaning to propose marriage. Licking the inside of someone’s mouth isn’t bending a knee with a ring, folks. It’s almost like it’s thrown in there for no other reason than to give some sort of connection between the characters. Pretty poor one at that.

The worst part of the chapter, however, has got to be that–even though he fucking knows where she lives–he brings her to his hotel room. She sleeps unconscious and he doesn’t touch her. I highly doubt it’s because he’s a gentlemen.

Right now this video describes my views on Christian.

Creepy. Mother. Fucker.

So if you wake up in a strange place sans your pants with a man you don’t know, what would you do? Me? Get the fuck gone. I’d run down the street in my panties or with a sheet wrapped around me before I’d stay around.

Ana? This dim-witted dumbass not only internal dialogues ‘stalker’ and ignores the fact that she thinks it, she decides to fucking take a shower. Far too trusting. If this man has such wealth and power that he can track down not only where you work and where to live plus illegally track your phone … don’t you think he could do what he wanted and get away with it? Oh but this is fiction … that would never happen in fiction. Bullshit.

Top it off with her using his toothbrush … I didn’t throw my Kindle across the room because I’m not so well off to break my reading device.

Fun Fact: A toothbrush has more than 100 million bacteria including E. coli and staphylococci (Staph) bacteria. Tasty.

To top this all off, Christian does the same thing Jose did to Ana on the elevator except with a hair pull instead of a drunken plea. Oh sure, she secretly wanted it but never voiced it. That’s okay, I’m sure Christian implanted some receiver in her head to read her thoughts.

 

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