Time’s Slipping Away

So I’ve been on a slump lately.  No reading or writing, save news articles online or messageboard discussions.  I used to have time, even at work, to take a 5 minute break and crank out a paragraph or two.  Now?  Nothing.  It’s that feeling of handing tasks off to someone and then finding that they’re just not following through out it.  A sense of pride in what I do- no matter what it is- seeps through and I go into ‘fuck it’ mod and do it myself.  Not the way it’s supposed to work but when the responsibility is ultimately yours, you do it.  Still you think I could find a sliver of time to pound the keys like I am presently.

I know it’s not getting the scholarship to a writing retreat that’s aiding and abetting this slump.  I don’t think I had too much of a chance not because of my skills but because of my financial needs.  There’s always someone out there worse off than you.

Writers block isn’t stopping me.  I have ideas out the ear.  I had one and started to write it but stopped.  It would maybe yield a page of babble and that’s it but that wasn’t the roadblock.  I stopped because I kept changing whether the two characters in the scene should be male/male or male/female.  That will sit for now until I find the direction it will go.  It’s short story material, nothing more.

Then there’s the NaNo 2009 project just sitting.  I admit through I wrote this piece, I never really liked the way it was going.  I couldn’t figure out why.  I did try a different approach with it as far as characters and the story was a little supernatural as apposed to the normal things I enjoy writing.  Only recently did I finally realize what was wrong with it.  The Main Character.  He wasn’t boring per se, he just was bland.  Went through the motions of life but didn’t live it.  I took the concept of him being a vessel for wandering souls too far.  I bridged from the children that occupied his body to an adult and didn’t give it the confusion it needed to have.  The conflict and what the MC’s state of mind would be or his reaction… I made it all matter of fact instead of what his maturity level would be with his background history.  I missed all the psychological aspect of the character and just skimmed the surface of getting inside of the head of my MC and even the ‘supporting’ cast.  I also rushed the beginning because I didn’t want to deal with what I found the boring part.  It wasn’t boring, it just was poorly conceived.

I’ve resigned my drop dead date of June to finish this novel.  I shouldn’t, I know, but there is so much that needs to be trashed and written it’s just not going to happen.  That’s the hard but realistic look at it.  At this point, I need to worry about quality over quantity.