Bite Me by Christopher Moore

I was introduced to Christopher by a friend about two years ago.  I found his books witty and a light relaxing read.  Bite Me is the third in a vampire series.  There’s no sparkling to speak of, thankfully.  While he adds his own quirks to the vampire myth, he doesn’t shit on it either.

The last one in this series, You Suck, seemed to crawl along but the humor I expect from Moore was lacking.  Not so in the third installment.  In fact, it’s the one that had me laughing the most out of the three.

In You Suck, I thought the character of Abby Normal was annoying as hell.  I cringed a little when I saw her little eyeliner memoirs were a focus in the book.  After the fifth or sixth ‘Kayso, he hooked me.  It worked.  Her ‘tragic’ storytelling and quips like ‘penis port’ were classic.  I mean really… I’ve never thought to use that! Genius!  It just flowed a lot better than the last book.

The skinny of the book is that Jared, the EMO rat boy, lets out Jody from the bronze statue she and Tommy were trapped in.  Abby tries and succeeds in turning herself into a vampire using vampire rat blood from her boy toy Foo Dog Steve… and grows a tail because of it.  Chet the cat wrecks havoc on the homeless and ho population as a vampire cat.  Yes, lots of vampire animals which in itself made me giggle.  Cavuto and Rivera also make their appearance along with the Emperor of San Francisco and his trusty doggie side kicks.  Let’s not forget the Animals.  All these characters must battle the legions of vampire cats Chet has made in his quest to fornicate and feast.

While the book was all over the place as the characters made their appearances, it didn’t lose any of the impact or pace.  I think if it was told in the eyes of Abby Normal the whole way through it would have gotten to the point of wanting to reach in the book and choke the life out of the character.  How her journal is woven in the story gives you just enough to be aghast that there just might be a girl out there like her.

When the other vampires show up, I don‘t even bat an eye when they get the superiority complex and don’t call for backup.  For me it’s like the classic villain that tells the hero their plan before failing to kill said hero then dying themselves.  Loved it.

In the end Moore wraps up all the loose ends, Abby and Tommy become human again and Jody leaves on a ship called the Raven.  The same ship the fated dead vampires showed up to take care of the vampire cats.  All they managed was to almost get a love poke from Chet.

As much as I like to find something wrong with a book, I have nothing save the wrap up at the end.  It’s almost like Moore hedged on whether to keep it open for another book.  Whether that’s the case or not, this book is a good high note for me.

Gay Linebacker Crunch.  Need I say more?

Now that I’ve read two good books, I’ll take out Sherrilyn Kenyon’s Born of Ice to finish off that horrid series.

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