Inner Anger Monkey

I haven’t written much in the past couple of weeks.  It’s not that I don’t want to, far from it.  My mind, you see, likes to fuck with me.  I have this NaNo story that I want to finish up and I want that to be my focus but my brain…. It likes mind tricks.  It doesn’t want to focus on NaN0 2009, it wants to dive into the so-not-finished inspiration to NaNo 2008.

If you recall (or at least I think I mentioned it before), years 2007 and 2008 were “Book 2” stories.  While I hadn’t finished Book 1, I had the next story mapped in my head.  The smart thing, perhaps, would have been to rewrite the first before moving forward.  Easier said than done.  Both story ideas date back at least 22 years.  They’re not awful but the fragments made me stop messing with it.  I’d write, rewrite, and then one more time… ending up with the original idea.  Yeah, it needed to be vaulted for another day.  About the only thing I’ve done regarding it is to make a document to jot down ideas.  I don’t refrain from doing that.  Not putting pen to paper for ideas is a lost opportunity.  I have a small notebook in my purse for this purpose.

I am being good at reading.  The book, which I will review here, is keeping me interested so I’m not too upset about not writing.  Hell, doing this is a bit of an exercise.

Maybe I’m being too nice at work during my lunch hour.  Even though I have my Cone of Silence (AKA my headphones on and the MP3 player going), people still think I want to have a conversation.  I don’t want to be rude, honest I don’t.  I like my co-workers.  I just don’t care for my personal time being interrupted when I use it to wind down in the middle of the work day.  Believe me when I say I need it.  I can only deal with so much idiocy before I crack and I have been seeing it by the buckets full.  Striking ‘fear’ in the people I supervise isn’t a power trip for me… all the time.  When they act jumpy and nervous I think they finally realize ‘oh shit, she knows I haven’t been doing my work’.  No shit.  When you make my job harder than it needs to be, I get a tad upset.

I’ll get back to my writing, I know I will.  I haven’t abandoned it.  I couldn’t do that.  It would be a disservice to something that brings me joy.  So I will finish a side project that has nothing to do with writing for my MIL, pick up another book more along the lines of what I’m trying to write for inspiration, and get my ass in gear.

Hear that brain?  You’re on notice!