That Awkward Moment

I’m beginning to think that male writers have some difficulty writing any kind of romance in their books.  They hint at it or, as I seem to have found in the few books I’ve read lately, throw love into a situation that makes no sense.  I guess from my experience men think romance is a box of candy and flowers when they think they screwed up or during that joke of a holiday Valentine’s Day.  Ahem.

I’ve seen a male writer go through a ‘romantic’ scene with the finesse of a teenaged boy trying to unravel the mystery of the bra.  When the time comes, it’s just best if you leave it to the woman.  Women don’t automatically fall in love with a man because they do the deed.  Your cock isn’t this magical thing and if the woman thinks it at first, the fantasy becomes reality soon enough.

I want to think about it for a second.  The majority of romance novels are written by women and action by men.  You’ve seen the email that floats around here and there about a writing exercise between the two people, male and female.  The female tries the romance angle while the man has this big chest thumping space adventure.  Hilarious to read until you go…wait a minute.

Oh wait…. I need to make a point in all this, don’t I?  When it comes down to it, if you’re going to make a romantic hook in your story do it right.  Don’t make the character a love-sick puppy deep within his own thoughts about wanting to get to know another character and never let it amount to anything or impact the story.  If you did that, you just wasted my time.  Thanks a lot, asshole.  I’ve set it before and I’ll say it again…. Don’t plump up a book to 500+ pages to make me feel like you’re not ripping me off with the $7.99-$9.99 the majority of paperbacks go for.  I feel more cheated if I read 200+ of unnecessary tree-killing, ink wasting drivel.  No, I’m not buying a Kindle to ease my mind.  I’ve ruined my eyes in front of a computer screen enough, thank you, and I don’t need that feminine napkin-sounding product from the fruit bat either.

Don’t feel like you need to describe naughty bits or steamy sex in a regular old fiction story either.  Leave that for the romance novels, I expect it there.  Do show some emotion between the characters.  Using terms of endearment toward each other doesn’t cut it, especially if dialogue is your weak element.

I’m still questing a for a good book, BTW, or at least one I don’t want to take a red pen and go crazy.