The Orc King by R.A. Salvatore

I mentioned RA Salvatore in my previous Book Review so I thought I’d throw this one up that I wrote in 2007.  He is one of the few authors I buy the hardback.  Check that, my dad buys them and passes it on to me.

Ah yes… everyone’s ‘favorite’ drow is back and just as invincible as before.  In fact, the beginning of the book kisses his dark backside right away.  Glimpse into the future, my brothers and sisters, and see the disgusting truth.

Yes, I realize that when a character becomes popular, the last thing an author wants to do is kill him off.  I imagine that’s why both Wulfgar and Bruenor both came back from the dead in various books.  Of course Wulfgar became the very first emo barbarian ever.  OMG!  My life is ruined… WAAAA!!  How about Cattibrie? Can’t have a fierce warrior woman so let’s maim her and say she’s going to turn pussy mage then, okay?

But I digress.  The fact is that the reason I keep reading the Whore of Wizards books is because, quite simply, he writes well.  I like the way he weaves a tale, even if it is at the askance of his evil overlords in the Tower of Hasbro. Well MAYBE it doesn’t go that way but it sure seems that way.  Of course this book hints in switching the characters over to the ‘new and improved’ 4e.

Remember the first Drizzt Drow (as I call it) books?  He comes out of the Underdark and loses his innate drow powers… then BAM! 3e comes along and he mysteriously has them again.  I call

bullshit.

Am I digressing again?  My bad.

The story starts out in the future, assuring that the fanboi’s of Drizzt will still be bowing to the cock of Salvatore for a good long time… Oops… did it again… Er, showing that orcs and dwarves are living in peace with the rest of the races.

W T F ? ! ?

They’ve gone bat shit crazy!  Is this to appease the whiney little gits out there that say… but all orcs can’t be bad because all drow aren’t bad because…. Etc….etc….  What’s next?  An emissary from the kobold kingdom marches into Silverymoon for tea with Lady Alustriel?  Oh… that’s right… they decided to do a little ‘cosmetic’ work to FR, didn’t they? Sigh….

Okay, the basic plot to this story is Many-Arrows has decided to back off on fighting Mithral Hall.  His dream is to have an orc kingdom, not keep going on a bloody rampage and use his followers as cannonfodder.  There’s only one problem… another orc, Grguch, doesn’t really like that idea and he feeds the bloodlust of other orcs (and his own half ogre/half orc breeds).  They rampage through Moonwood, killing off Cattiebrie’s elf competition Innovindil and her Pegasus.  They attack the dwarves as they try to repair the trade routes.  Hot-headed Bruenor wants a war and goes seeking it with a small group.  It’s the whole “kill the head and the serpent dies” ploy.

Well Many-Arrows doesn’t die.  I never figured he would, honestly, but Grguch does along with Jack the Gnome.  I’d say more about the Gnome thing but honestly, I thought he was an idiot character to begin with.  Just another “let’s manipulate the stupid races” bit again.

Looking back, not a lot happened in this book.  Wulfgar returned Colson to her birth mother after burying his idiot wife who stole the sword Khazid’hea from Cattibrie.  He then returned to the frozen wasteland that was his home at one time.

Did I mention that a drow and surface elf got married and had kids.  I think a little part of me died after reading the end of this book.

Will say this, however, about RA Salvatore.  While it gets extremely old that Drizzt never loses any of his magical spiffy weapons or gets raked across the coals like the other main characters… okay, okay.. .there was that one book wher the elf chick he saved as a child came back to kill his ass but did you really go OMG!  They killed Drizzt, you bastards!  Nope, predicable much like the time Artemis ‘killed’.  Maybe Drizzt is the Forgotten Realms equivalent of the Black Knight in Monty Python but I digress.  The fact remains Salvatore is a good writer.  As much as I whine bitch and moan about the Drizzt series, I’ll read the next one on that fact alone.  He keeps the story driving and leaves unnecessary BS out of the book because I’m not really interested on which way Drizzt puts his TP on the roll.  If it doesn’t drive the plot, don’t waste my time.

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