Oh dear gawd… where to begin with this one.
First off, according to the beginning blurb by this supposed author, this is a reprint in which she has the original names for the characters and all the stuff that was edited out on the first publication. Apparently she changed the names of the characters depending on what publishing house she sent it to. How desperate where these publishers anyways?
Second, this is considered a romance novel and it falls way short. Why I say? It has more emo emotional shit than actual bump and grind action. ONG! He doesn’t love me! OMG! I’m hideous and no girl would ever love me! Oh for fuck’s sake! You know what this book is? Cannon fodder for what fuels my anti-romance novel.
This is the second book I have read by this author and now I remember something…. She sucks. No, no… Not in the smut fashion, the Hoover vacuum kind. Five hundred and thirty-three pages that was probably originally around over half that.
You see, editors edit stuff out for a reason. The problem is, when an author gets a few books on the shelf and their publishing house decides to reprint, sometimes they allow them to so things like this. Idiots.
Okay story, the clusterfuck it is, is centered around some big EMO fucktard who quit being an assassin in this big assassin clique in the universe. Oh noes! The only way out is to die so he’s got a contract on his head. The In to his Wang is this stupid little spoiled ‘poor me’ princess. A princess that’s in a dance troupe…. ooookayyyy…..
Blah blah… her mother was killed in front of her and assassins keep trying to kill her blah blah…. EMO boy saves her from them but he’s got such an abused past he can’t get close to anyone…blah blah. Oh for fuck’s sake. This reminds me of a friend I had that used to repeat the phrase “You just don’t understand” every time something went wrong in her life. Yeah, because we all had a pristine childhood right? She’s protected by EMO boy per her father’s instructions, her father decides to put a kill contract on them because they’re not bringing her home… uh… because they’re doing the job he hired them in the first place. WTF?
The EMO boy, Nyr… whatever… comes close to death so many times I feel like I’m reading an RA Salvatore Drizzt fuckfest.
Oh have I mentioned all the interesting non-main characters in this book that the author just has disappear and reappear in the book the moment her plot begins to fester like an open sore? I found them more likeable in ways because I didn’t have to see the several paragraphs of whining and bitching about he did/she did BS from Princess Pissy Pants and EMO Bad Assassin Bitch Boy.
In the end, the authors solves her happily ever after problem by making Bitch Boy a prince long lost from his family because his uncle cousin’s grandmother half-brother etc etc threw him in an orphanage to die… etc etc. Wow, this big meanie assassin’s guild after him has to stop now that he’s royalty.
Again this is the second book I’ve read by this author and her main male characters have both been twats. She seems to me to be more along the fantasy lines with a little bit of fuckfest involved. If calling a book a romance novel means that you have to show whining insipid characters doing the I love him, I hate him for looking at me cross-eyed, a simple let’s get nekkid and fuck, and the happy ending BS with a birth of a brat then she’s got the bank in her pocket.
Me? I’m switching to a nice mainstream fiction book possibly by Dean Koontz*. At least he doesn’t make me go WTF?
*Next Up… Dean Koontz’s The Door to December first published in 1985…