My Internet Penis is Bigger Than Yours

There comes a time and place where’re you have to laugh off the behavior of others. I’m talking about people who use passive aggressive tactics to belittle people because they made fun of their internet penis size.

What is the internet penis? A variety of things, really. For example, your knowledge on a certain subject or tried and true success. You flaunt it and slap it around like a proud parent.

Now imagine that someone pretends to have vast familiarity over a certain topic. They over inflate what they perceive is experience. When they get called on it, they use passive aggressive behavior,  ad hominem attacks, or actually become the dicks of massive proportion to the alleged length of their epeener.

Suffice to say, I am waging a war against those who weave lies and present them as falsehoods. I recently did a piece regarding an indie author bullying another author. I would love to say that peace has been made and the person has admitted their wrong doing.

Butt Hurt Bear SingleNope. Bang goes their imaginary large epeener. Bang goes my head on the desk.

Instead, the person has taken a queue from my post (yeah, you read it, I know) and decided to do a thinly veiled post of anonymity of their own. Except, it isn’t. Why? Because the black and white of it is smack dab there on their blog. I really don’t no what’s worse–their behavior or the toadies following them around with pom poms and no clue.

Have I mentioned the internet is forever? You know, even if you delete something it can still be found? Erasing it from your blog doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and delightful screenshots weren’t taken. Everyone makes mistakes. Your character shows on how you handle them and, dude, your ass is wagging in the wind flatulating.

How about some facts, shall we? You know, facts. Not to be confused with the mad ranting of someone who has delusions of grandeur.

  1. Indie author offers free paperback of self-published 100k+ to bullied author. Expecting a yes to a review even though the bullied author expressed time constraints.
  2. Bullied author gives honest feedback, privately, and offers to help instead of reviewing.
  3. Indie author goes on defamation campaign using personal Facebook page, Twitter, and blog.
  4. This indie author writes a review of bullied author’s book with more than hint of glowering pouty face where they reference one of the pom pom squad’s book AKA plug a supporter gimmick. This review (posted on Goodreads, Amazon, and blog) also contains personal information about the bullied author that is not available anywhere in her author profiles or website.
  5. Indie author writes a blog post stating that bullied author is trying to profit by slandering indie author’s book though evidence (AKA screenshots) prove otherwise. Post disappears.
  6. Bullied author sends requests, privately,  to cease and desist gutterish actions. Uses indie author’s words against them.
  7. Indie author shuts off public access to Facebook page and edits original ‘review’ of bullied author’s book. Still referencing ra-ra club’s book and where the author lives proudly announcing that its on bullied author’s website. The review, as a whole, is later taken down on blog but nowhere else.
  8. Indie author begins to strip all references to his job or place of residence on interwebz.
  9. Indie author removes review on blog but leaves it on Amazon–lowering the original rating twice–and begins vague referencing of bullied author without using her actual name.
  10. Indie author posts again on their blog, claiming falsehoods of the manner of which they were reprimanded for their actions which are a violation of work policies.
  11. Indie authors gives a backhanded apology to bullied author by way of blog post using real name again. Offers insight on how reviews should be conducted.*

On that last starred point? Yeah … because every author out there knows that reviewers only care about characters, setting, plots over grammar issues or gaping plot holes. Maybe in Super Rainbow Unicornland this is the norm.

Keep swinging your invisible gigantic cock but when it comes around to titty slap you, the mirror will show you the truth of who’s fault it is. Meanwhile, your poor behavior is giving indie authors a bad name.



Best in Category: Naughty Fairytales

NFT 2014

I can’t express how much I appreciate this. Witches & Lycans was up against some stiff competition and to come out on top? Humbling experience for me. :)

When I planned this series of naughty twists, I had the vision of starting it in the 60s and what fairytale would get the once over. I wanted to create the myth of lycans terrorizing a town. Unlike werewolves, lycans aren’t primal when they shift. Their consciousness stays the same. Besides, I’ve done werewolves and wanted to try something new. Obviously it worked because I see people enjoying what I’ve created.

So, again, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I’m still polishing the next two books in the series but I’m hoping to have them submitted to Evernight by the end of the month. Keep reading. :)

Rough Draft to Polished for Publishing

Let’s talk NaNo again. Or more to the point, that rough draft you might have hammered out. It’s time to polish the turd.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’m more of a bare bones writer. Ginormous paragraphs, overly descriptive text that lulls the reader to sleep, and self-fellatio have no place. Perhaps you’ve heard of other writers advising that your freshly minted rough draft should be put in a virtual drawer. That counsel is sound. When we work tirelessly on our manuscript, we become too familiar with each word. We miss little details or don’t see those little typos someone with fresh eyes would see. Depending on self editing and your mother’s second cousin twice removed or yorkie pup is not proper editing or proof reading partners. You need someone far removed from a personal relationship. A person that’s not afraid to slap you with a wet fish.

I belong to a writer critique group called Scribophile. It’s private and chalk full of persons I’ve never met.  They owe me nothing but a good manuscript spanking. A local critique circle would be grand but considering I write several genres, I get better feedback. In fact, one of my good writer buddies Aimee Laine wanted to expand her comfort zone and asked me for one of my horror pieces to have a once over. Not a genre she reads–like ever. Still, she gave me great feedback on how to make the story better. None of my circle of writer friends would ever think to only praise whatever I’ve written. They tear me a new one.

You suck. Don't quit your day job. Signed, Reality

You suck. Don’t quit your day job.

I certainly don’t want to decide to dip into self publishing without the aid of decent critiquers or editing and have my story ripped apart by readers because I didn’t take the time to do it right. Unless I’m offering the newly edited piece for free to those I’ve tortured with a less than stellar edition, I do the world of publishing a disservice. It reflects poorly on me to expect people to pay for an inferior product. Readers have every right to not finish a book and write a review on what they have read. You, as the author. have the right to suck it up and not exhibit passive aggressive behavior. Being a douche and being a writer really aren’t good bedmates.

Not once have I had a manuscript edited in such a way that my unique voice was erased out. A good critique partner will tell you about poorly constructed sentences, typos, pitiable content flow, and stale characters. They won’t rewrite the story and no one says the golden rule is you have to agree with every single suggestion. Just don’t be flippant and dismiss them all. No one’s perfect.

I’ve seen a phrase thrown about that I think needs to be set in front of a firing squad.  “Labor of love”. Sounds more like special snowflake syndrome. You can’t cuddle your story and only allow those who will worship every single letter like you’re the alphabet god. It doesn’t matter if Grandma or your bestie from high school likes it. That complete stranger out there has more honesty than they ever will.

Work on another manuscript and forget that one you just finished. Wait a week or a month before pulling it out and be hard on yourself. I might call my first pass on my novel an edit but it’s really polish number one. To be followed by more.

So are you ready to not get all butt hurt and do what needs to be done to that manuscript? To make it publisher ready? Do it and own that shit. If you’re writing for your little sister just send her a private PDF and spare the rest of us from your massive unedited turd. Don’t be the one to give an indie writer a bad name. There’s plenty of small presses out there. Test the waters. You won’t regret it.